CARDINAL RED
Main Cast: Ralph Fiennes, Stanley Tucci
Director: Edward Berger
I’ve been a bit dejected since my hopes for an authentic zombie ensemble in Shuffle Along: The Walking Dead Musical were washed over Iguazu Falls and dashed to pieces on the rocks below. Various limbs have been fetching up in three countries-Argentina, Brazil, and Paraguay-and I have been told they have become the must have souvenir for the well heeled traveler. Quite frankly, a rotting femur has never struck me as something I would want in my curio cabinet but chacun a sont gout as they say on the continent. I do have Fajer and Hellmann, my attorneys, looking into whether we can demand a percentage of the purchase price of these transactions as the merchandise would not have been available without my personal misfortune.
Needless to say, I have returned home from South America. As I am uncertain what next step to make in my illustrious career, I have returned to Los Angeles and my cozy little home, Condo Maine high atop the Nakatomi Tower in Century City. I returned just in time for the Oscar ceremony only to find that my invitation had been lost in the mail. Not to be deterred, I dolled myself up in one of my finest GlamourPuss gowns and headed off to the venue knowing that security could not help but pass someone of my fame right on in to the red carpet area. Unfortunately, as I approached, some officious gentleman who spoke little English seemed to think I was part of the catering staff and steered me into the kitchen in a most unceremonious way. I was not about to let my finery be stained and I was not wearing the right sort of shoes for long hours of arduous work so I made a polite excuse and caught an Uber over to West Hollywood where I joined the boys at the Abbey at their viewing party. They were a lot of fun, or that may have been the four cosmopolitans.
I can’t say that I paid that much attention to the telecast as it was full of nobodies of whom I had never heard… hardly a legendary star to be sighted. And most of the films in the running were not of much interest although I did like the red designer dresses featured in the clips of the film Conclave so I slipped out a bit early, hurried home and found it available on pay per view. I slithered out of my gown, donned a kimono, made myself a fresh cosmopolitan and settled in to enjoy it. I was a bit confused at first as all of the dresses were occupied by elderly male character actors. I was wondering if perhaps it was some sort of salute to religious drag queens but then I figured out that we were at the Vatican with the college of cardinals.
The time is modern day. The pope has died. The cardinals are arriving to choose a new pope from amongst their number. They huddle in corners gossiping, smoke far too many cigarettes, take the small army of nuns serving them as a matter of course, and for all the world come across as a remake of Mean Girls for the geriatric set.
There are a bunch of front runners to assume the papacy. These include Ralph Fiennes as the Dean of the fractious College of Cardinals who is in charge of mustering the Conclave and making sure they all adhere to the rituals which have been in place for some six hundred years. There’s Stanley Tucci as an American who is popular but can’t muster the votes to get himself into the Prada shoes of the fisherman. John Lithgow is a Canadian who does way too much wheeling and dealing and may have gotten himself into trouble with the recently deceased pope. Then a few lesser known actors, Lucian Masmati as a Nigerian who may not have adhered to all of his vows, Sergio Castelitto as an Italian Cardinal who thinks Vatican II went too far, and Carlos Diehz as a dark horse from a war zone whom no one knew had been made a cardinal by the late pope.
There are factions, betrayals, Isabella Rosellini turns up as one of the servile nuns to help maneuver undesirable candidates out of contention. Things are complicated by a nearby terrorist attack, revelations of skullduggery, and suspicions that the previous pontiff may have had hidden agendas. Eventually there is a heartfelt speech about the future of the Holy See and a candidate is elected, leading to one final reveal and plot twist that comes completely out of left field and is not earned by the storytelling.
Conclave is based on a novel by Robert Harris, the British author who writes not terribly good political thrillers with a historical bent. It was adapted to the screen by Harris and Peter Starughan and directed by Edward Berger. It was nominated for eight Oscars but only won adapted screenplay. And I’m not sure it deserved that particular honor given its lugubrious pacing and its not so great plotting. Berger’s idea of direction is to have his camera follow behind people as they walk down endless hallways or to do drone/aerial shots of groups of cardinals in their identical outfits posed and walking around the various spaces of the Vatican.
What makes Conclave worthwhile are decent performances in the leading roles. The character actors of many decades of experience who play the men engaged in this drama of medieval pageantry and statecraft know how to create a character that’s compelling and has a rich interior life far beyond the words they speak. The restraint necessary given their privileged positions and circumscribed lives makes the little political games they play with each other more engrossing than one might think. Fiennes, Lithgow, Tucci, and Rossellini all give a master class in subtle screen acting.
If you’re interested in Catholic ritual or the possibilities of quiet screen acting by veteran performers, by all means see Conclave. Otherwise, you won’t have missed much.
Rolling Samsonite. Destroyed ring. Red ribbon seals. Industrial kitchen. Missing files. Gratuitous blown out windows. Vestments of multiple sizes.
Originally from Seattle Washington, land of mist, coffee and flying salmon, Mrs. Norman Maine sprang to life, full grown like Athena, from Andy’s head during a difficult period of life shortly after his relocation to Alabama.
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