OLD CRONE
Main Cast: Vanessa Hudgens, Josh Whitehouse
Director: Monika Mitchell
This is part of my Netflix Holiday Movie Round-Up. Click the link to find the rules and see a complete list of the holiday movies I’ve watched and graded.
Premise
The Knight Before Christmas is the story of a time traveling knight landing in a small town right before Christmas. I know – but we are not judging based on the idiocy of the premise. Just go with it. Sir Cole gets sent from 14th century England to…I don’t know. Some small town with snow and an out of control love of Christmas decorations where Vanessa Hudgens is a school teacher (her name is Brooke). He has to complete his undefined quest in order to become a true knight and she has to…I don’t know. Stop moping maybe?
Message
“Don’t give up on finding your one true love.”
Ugh. Sure, that’s the message in a lot of holiday movies, but it’s usually combined with something else, like realizing what’s important in life or not being a scrooge or finding out that magic is real. There are little hints of other affirmative holiday messages scattered about in The Knight Before Christmas, but they are all overshadowed by the One True Love and lots of scenes where the teacher and the knight almost kiss.
Message Delivery
Honestly? Gag-worthy. We get a few scenes of Brooke’s horrible ex-boyfriend who cheated on her cavorting with his new girlfriend, but it’s lame. The whole movie is just a series of loosely joined scenes of Vanessa Hudgens and Josh Whitehouse being attractive in different outfits. The message is not only stupid, it’s barely there.
Cast and Performances
I know these actors are better than this material (seriously, check out Vanessa Hudgens in Gimme Shelter). Maybe they thought it would be a fun diversion? Who knows, maybe it was fun to make. I’m not judging. Both Hudgens and Whitehouse are definitely attractive, so there’s that, and Whitehouse is pretty cute as he gets accustomed to things like TV. But the script and direction and everything else lets them down.
Honorable Mention
OLD CRONE. Ella Kenion plays the old crone who sends Sir Cole into the future to complete his knight quest. She’s a twinkly eyed delight in an otherwise vapid piece of crap and it’s cute when the good knight tries to summon her in the present day. If I’m honest, if some handsome man was bellowing out for OLD CRONE in a public place I would probably be forced to answer.
Overall Feel Good Rating
The only good things about The Knight Before Christmas are the attractive actors and the tiny role of OLD CRONE. The message is stupid, the delivery is lame, and I hope the actors not only had fun but got a good paycheck. Grossly, it looks like this is set up for a sequel next year. I’m sad about this one because the premise is so absolutely ridiculous it could have been really fun. Sigh.
Blah. I give this one a D.
Photo Credit: Netflix / Brooke Palmer
Sue reads a lot, writes a lot, edits a lot, and loves a good craft. She was deemed “too picky” to proofread her children’s school papers and wears this as a badge of honor. She is also proud of her aggressively average knitting skills She is the Editorial Director at Silver Beacon Marketing and an aspiring Crazy Cat Lady.
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